+SO THIS IS WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE

 

 

*Warning* Mushy shiz about to go down

 

Since graduating college and moving back to the town I grew up in things haven't really gone as I expected.

 

For some reason I thought when I moved back, that my life would go back to how it was prior to me leaving for college. A.k.a. all my friends still in town and ready to party and hang out. An amazing job waiting for me. And lots of fun things to do.

 

I swear, my last few months in Dallas before moving back to Arizona were pretty miserable. I was going through this "what the hell am I going to do with my life" phase upon almost reaching graduation. I kept looking at facebook and seeing all my Arizona friends seemingly have an amazing time on a daily basis and I couldn't wait to get back to that.

 

Big smack in the face. I got back and my daydream of my future life did not come true. Most of my friends have moved, gotten married, and had kids (I'm way behind my class in the department), which meant no time for old high school Jessica.

 

Which totally rocked my world for a moment. For some reason I thought time stood still while I got my college degree and that everyone would still be waiting around when I came back. Dumb. "What do you mean you've moved on?!"

 

As I searched for my "dream job" I had a really hard time finding it. Actually scratch that. I never found it. Shit. In a small town, well paying and glamorous/fun jobs are far and few between. I felt lost again. Like here I am, graduated with a degree, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm hating my job and I can't figure out what to do. I wanted to do so many things, but those so many things needed lots of money to be done. Money which I don't have.

 

In comes the realization that I should go back to school for radiology. I've always wanted to get into this field and have just procrastinated for like 7 years. Go me.

 

Now that I'm in this program and working some cool jobs, I feel so happy. Like fulfilled. I haven't felt this way in a long time. Things are good. And I'm positive (who am I?) and excited for the future. I can't help but feel content, like this is what I should be doing with my life. This is who I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to help people and do badass shit with x-ray equipment. Jeyeah!

 

So cheers to finding this feeling. I pray to baby Jesus that it lasts forever. I'll keep you posted on that. And watch, as soon as I write this post, my next one will be all "I hate everything and everyone and I have no money. Help me. I'm poor" or something like that.